I have a problem.

For some people this statement won’t come as a surprise.

I am addicted to food..

It seems like such a silly thing, but my life revolves around food. I need to know at what specific times I’ll be eating, whether I’ll be involved in preparing the food, and what the food I am going to be consuming is. These are the very first thoughts that cross my mind upon waking up. There have been more occasions than I can count, where I have gotten angry with my boyfriend, as he doesn’t often know what we are going to have for dinner that night as soon as he wakes up. We now just tend to have whatever I feel like for dinner. Keeps it simple.

I often tell people that I gain weight just from looking at food. But the truth is, I gain weight from consuming copious amounts of both healthy and unhealthy foods. If there is food in front of me I struggle to stop eating. Fish and chips for example, if I am left with the bag of chips, I will eat them until Pearse takes the packet away and throws it outside.

It’s not always just sweet treats or fatty foods that I binge on. Sometimes it can be something as silly as a bag of nuts, a bowl of peas and corn, or a pot of mashed potato. All things that would be considered healthy when consumed in small quantities. When it comes to portions I have no control.

This past year I have put on just over 25kgs, yet most people I talk to about wanting to loose weight shut down the idea. I am no longer within a healthy weight range. Even though BMI’s are a inaccurate measure of health, I still fall in the overweight catergory. If I was to go to the doctors, pharmacy or family planning to get an emergency contraceptive pill, they would all get me to stand on a set of scales, note down my weight and then proceed to tell me that the chances of the pill even working are greatly reduced because of my body weight. This isn’t healthy, I’m not healthy.

Obviously visually I can see the weight has stacked on, but I can also feel it. The weight gain was gradual, so were the symptoms. I didn’t listen to my body. Instead of eating smaller quantities of healthy foods to treat heart burn, I got the doctors to prescribe omeprazole. My breathing has been particularly hard this winter, instead of working hard to get fitter, I was prescribed an inhaler.

From the outside perspective it may not look as though I’ve gained as much weight as I have. However I am not making this up, I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m looking for support. I’m needing to be held accountable. I don’t want people comforting me and saying that eating a block of chocolate a day for over a year is acceptable. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. I know that I am responsible for the journey of weight loss. But I do not want anybody sugar coating my weight gain anymore. This is me admitting that I have a problem with food and documenting the process of getting through it!

Ps. New year, new blog! Big changes are ahead. Watch this space for updates!